feeling a bit depress

It has been a while since i last blog. Today the urge to pen my feeling has been great. i been wondering about somethg a lot these days. I remembered clearly the last quarrel with M. I was angry when he is talking nonsense when reading nursery rhymes to our CS. Then he started to scorned and with a gloom face he shouted back.. "this is how i was when you know me , why are you trying to change me?"
This phrase etched long enough in my memory till now.. our quarrel was three weeks ago... i told myself I can't change him and shouldn't change him when we get married but then now it educating our next generation and i must also have it his way.. Then isn't his sentence a big irony? if i let him has his way in educating the kid (the way which i detest and don't want) isn't this a form of him trying to change me.!! NOw if i can't change him (which I don't) and he shouldn't try an influence me (which i find myself giving in all the times) then whose way are we going to adopt when we educate our next generation..
All that is going through my mind these days is too soon.. i shouldn't get mary so fast and even before i get used to marriage life, i shouldn't have a baby.. I am so sad n regret of my life now that i feel trapped and lost .. i feel miserable and that i have no way to turn..

There are so many nice examples of good husbands near him.. the sis's hb , his dad and my bro.. All i want is his respect for me.. is it that hard.. if he isn't my soulmate and can't see my point of view why oh why did i marry him in the first place?? The same fear i have back then before ROM came back to me.. I just regret my decision wish i was wiser and more clear minded back then...